I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
