Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
