my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
