You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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