Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
