next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize