And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
