is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
