Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Where did you get a picture of my penis
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
