Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
wow bdsm is so cute
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