Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
