drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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