and you said cock pushups were impossible
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
