Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
