I wish my penis had an off switch
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
