Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
