we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well I just put wine in my tea
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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