well you can't waste a boner
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
