Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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