yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
only if we run a train.
done.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
