You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
