College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
