believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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