five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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