hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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