I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
