You can't motorboat a personality
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
