Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My pussy is not your playground.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We have so much sex to catch up on
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
