Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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