life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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