i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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