the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I AM VODKA MAN
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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