She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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