Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They have beer where we have blood.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
