I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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