apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
