We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
