I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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