i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Houston, we have a blender
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
