sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
