planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
