It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
