Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
