i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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