Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
