I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
