One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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