I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
