How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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