I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
