I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
