Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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