grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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