my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
