i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
