Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize