a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
