making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
