You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
