dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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