i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
