the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
