Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There are leaves in my underwear?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
