Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
