when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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