need another drink. this is the easiest way
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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