youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
