so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
