I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
