In the future we'll all be gay
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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