Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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