Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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