the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
