I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
