its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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