I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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