dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize