It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
