Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
