nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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