woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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