He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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