Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize